So much has changed

We are getting married.

How did we go from May 2nd to now, I'm still not sure. I do know one thing, it's wonderful. When I wake up, she is there. When I lay down to sleep, she is there. We have been engaged for more than a year and our wedding is this fall. I don't know why she is with me, because I don't deserve that girl. I guess this makes my blog title obsolete, but I like it. It serves as a reminder of what I have done and what I deserve and the mercy I have been shown.

God I miss college, I didn't know it then, but I lost a lot after that night. All my friends are gone and my new ones are lame. I know I have to grow up sometime, but 23 is too soon. I want to walk downstairs into the party room and fucking let loose. Instead my lil bro is coming over after work. We'll probably watch Arrested Development and shoot the shit.

day after my birthday

Went out for my birthday, got extremely drunk and met up with her at the bar. We got into a fight, but I don't remember what was said. Tried to walk home and decided I was too drunk. Used my spare key to get in to her place and sleep, I called to tell her and she got so mad she never came home. She came back in the morning and was pissed, go figure. She said I had to go (great way to start my birthday), but lucky for me the toilet broke soon after and she called me so I could fix it. We talked a little more and hugged and I left. She bought me lunch, but was reserved the whole time. She didn't call me that night and I wish she would have.

Went the whole day with out talking to her, but I'm good at that. Now it's almost night and that's when the emotions become to much. I'll probably head to gym to pass a few hours, but then I'll be on my own to try and sleep.

She is so weak all of the time, how does she get the strength to do this? How can she go with out me? I'm always the one helping her, now I'm the weak one.